my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
