dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
