Plan B is the new Plan A
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
