Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
