No stitches, just platelets and will power
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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