I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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