thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
