we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize