That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
