I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
