Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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