I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
