In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My feet surprised me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
