i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
