what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
