Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
