Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
