if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
