Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
