the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
