I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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