honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
