I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
