Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
