Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You pole danced in your parka.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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