New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
