just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
