When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
