just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
