dude i'm inner monologue high
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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