Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were destined to go to rehab together
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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