i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
