I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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