Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
