Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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