i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
