is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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