Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
