Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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