I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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