Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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