Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

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(438): View more from Quebec

I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic

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(812): View more from Indiana

You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

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(727): View more from Florida

it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man

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(585): View more from New York

His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.

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