You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
