Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
