well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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