No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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