Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
