there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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