You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And then he peed in my hair
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