if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
