There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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