i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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