I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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