remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
