True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
