Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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