Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
