then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
