Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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