I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Randomize
