he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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