You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
