I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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