The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize