the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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