i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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