the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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