Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
