On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
