He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
