i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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