She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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