so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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