Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize