So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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