Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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