I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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